


That out of distance might ensue (Desire of nearness doubly sweet)

by LambieLamb, orphan_account, Proserpineceres



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Cruise Ship, Binktop's healing tears, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 11:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11966556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LambieLamb/pseuds/LambieLamb, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Proserpineceres/pseuds/Proserpineceres
Summary: Yuuri needed those moments of solitude, especially after eventful days like this one. Being surrounded by so many people for such a long time was draining and escaping to a deserted space was what he needed.That’s how he found himself on the deck he was standing on.He wanted to feel the breeze on his face- feel free, like he was flying and completely boundless. He wanted to feel like he could breathe again. He took a small step closer to the railing, grabbing the first bar with both hands and stepped onto one of the middle bars with his feet.Spreading his arms, he closed his eyes, the breeze on his face a wonderful feeling and everything seemed suspended in that moment. Light and easy. He felt calm. He felt like he could breathe again.The sound of seagulls, the swell of waves and his own heartbeat-“Don’t jump!”Suddenly he was face to face with the most beautiful human being he had ever set his eyes on.





	That out of distance might ensue (Desire of nearness doubly sweet)

It took Phichit only half an hour to convince Yuuri to join him. He didn’t want to impose on Phichit or exploit his generosity, but his friend insisted that he should come along.

The fact that his best friend was the son of an important Thai diplomat definitely had its perks, one of them being that he was tagging along on a cruise to Saint Petersburg for free.

 

On the day they started their vacation, a big, black, expensive looking car came to pick them up. Yuuri wasn’t used to having a chauffeur in any sense and immediately wanted to help the man loading their luggage into the trunk but his offer to help was politely declined. Phichit, on the other hand, seemed at ease, jumping into the car and lounging back against the expensive leather seats. He seemed used to this treatment.

 

Once he and Phichit had gone through the check-in process they embarked the ship via the gangway.

It was a nice ship, the ‘Silver Muse’ - big, but not too big. Just the perfect size to get comfortably lost in the sea of people.

 

Once they were on deck a steward immediately joined them, greeting them and escorting them to their suite.

 

Yuuri was immediately overwhelmed by the size. They not only had two bedrooms but also two bathrooms and a living room and Yuuri was pretty sure the suite was bigger than their apartment back in London. There was even a balcony for God’s sake!

 

He didn’t even want to know how much money Phichit’s parents had spent on this vacation.

 

Their luggage already stood in their respective bedrooms and after unpacking Phichit joined Yuuri in his room.

 

“I definitely want to check out the pool first, Yuuri, Henry said it’s nice there,” Phichit said and flopped down onto Yuuri's bed.

 

“Who’s Henry?” Yuuri asked, packing away the last of his clothes into the walk-in closet.

 

“Our personal butler of course,” Phichit replied an effortless smile gracing his face.

 

Yuuri should have expected that honestly but it still baffled him.

“Of course”, he said laughing, amazed, “I guess I should have expected that. “Listen Phichit, all of this is so amazing. Thank you so much for letting me tag along.”

 

Phichit grinned at him, “No problem, Yuuri. Really, I am glad you’re here. I’d rather have no one else.”

 

* * *

 

Yuuri and Phichit spent some time at the pool and after that wandered around to ship to see what it had to offer.

 

There was a big banquet that evening to welcome all the passengers, so Phichit and Yuuri headed back to their suite to get ready for the event.

 

Phichit had actually had to take Yuuri shopping before the cruise began because he hadn’t owned a suit that would have fit this rather formal occasion; those older baggy and unfitted ones didn’t count.

 

Now that Yuuri owned a suit that actually fit him, he took some time getting ready. Putting on the suit, he pushed his hair back using an unholy amount of hair gel and replaced his glasses with contacts.

 

After taking one last look into the mirror, he decided that he was good to go.

 

“Ah, we sure chose a good one Yuuri- you look great, it really _suits you_ ,” Phichit said, smiling coyly. He’d been waiting in the hallway already properly dressed, lounging against the wall with complete ease. His phone in one hand.

 

Yuuri groaned at his pun, lightly swatting his arm. Phichit squealed good-naturedly and danced out of his reach. Yuuri deemed that enough messing around and softened his smile.

 

“You look great too Phichit,” Yuuri said, eyeing Phichit’s suit and how he effortlessly made it look way more comfortable than he probably was. He tried his best to appear similarly. Phichit had always had the talent to make formal attire look more casual and formal at the same time. Maybe it was because he was already so used to it, practically growing up with formal events to attend every other week.

 

He absent mindedly followed Phichit to their destination, marvelling at the lavish interior of the ship, and the traditionally old setting.

 

They were greeted by the maitre d’ when they arrived at the banquet hall, who welcomed them with rehearsed politeness and took them to their table.

 

There were already four other people there and Yuuri offered a shy smile just as Phichit greeted them, his friendly, charming nature shining through. He introduced both of them, gesturing at Yuuri and himself.

 

“I’m Phichit Chulanont and this is my friend Yuuri Katsuki, it’s great to meet you all!” Yuuri mumbled a short ‘Nice to meet you,’ offering another smile, and sat down gratefully.

 

“Christophe Giacometti and my partner Valentin Rüegsegger,” replied one of the men at their table, gesturing to the man beside him. His voice was like silk and he had the most beautiful eyes Yuuri had ever seen in his life. There was an aura of elegance and sex appeal around him in the way the top button of his shirt was popped, and his tie was on the side of just a bit too loose. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

The other two guests at their table were definitely a bit younger than the rest of them. Probably even younger than Phichit. The blonde one had flinched at Phichit’s introduction.

 

“Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky”, the dark haired one said, his expression stoic, softened by the candle lights. His accent sounded foreign and Yuuri couldn’t quite place where he was from. The blonde kid- Yuri’s expression stayed severe. Yuuri could guess why the other Yuri had flinched.

 

After some more formalities and a speech from the captain the dinner started and everyone at the table settled into easy conversation. He was discussing the technicalities of tea making with Christophe, who turned out to be quite easy to talk to.

 

Yuri and Otabek were quieter, mostly keeping to themselves, but Phichit seemed to take this as a challenge and at the end of the dinner the whole table was laughing together and to his surprise, Yuuri found himself enjoying the company.

 

As the evening drew to a close they said their goodbyes and all left with the promise to meet up again tomorrow. However, instead of going back to his shared suite, Yuuri excused himself to get some fresh air before returning.

 

Yuuri needed those moments of solitude, especially after eventful days like this one. Being surrounded by so many people for such a long time was draining and escaping to a deserted space was what he needed.

 

That’s how he found himself on the deck he was standing on.

 

He wanted to feel the breeze on his face- feel free, like he was flying and completely boundless. He wanted to feel like he could breathe again. He took a small step closer to the railing, grabbing the first bar with both hands and stepped onto one of the middle bars with his feet.

 

He teetered for a few seconds, trying to balance until he felt safe enough to let go of the railing.

 

Spreading his arms, he closed his eyes, the breeze on his face a wonderful feeling and everything seemed suspended in that moment. Light and easy. He felt calm. He felt like he could breathe again.

The sound of seagulls, the swell of waves and his own heartbeat-

 

“Don’t jump!”

 

A voice shouted from behind him, startling him so badly that he had to grab the railing again to regain his balance.

 

His heart was beating wildly and he tried to catch his breath. What idiot would actually think that he was-

 

“I wasn’t going to-” Yuuri started while stepping down shakily and turning around.

 

His words got stuck in his throat as he was suddenly face to face with the most beautiful human being he had ever set his eyes on, with silver hair and bright eyes. Yuuri felt his breath catch as their eyes locked and the stranger studied him for a moment, a curious smile dancing on his lips. God, he had the prettiest lips, and the longest eyelashes.

 

The stranger started laughing softly, breaking their eye contact; the sound was like music to his ears. He sounded relieved.

 

"I’m glad," he said, "I didn't really feel like taking a swim tonight."

 

The words were taking all too long to process coherently.

 

"You would have gone after me?" Yuuri asked, mystified by the stranger's sudden appearance. He didn’t miss the way the stranger’s expression seemed to dampen at that.

 

"Of course. I can't let anybody on-board die. Not on my watch."

 

He said it so seriously that Yuuri didn’t doubt his words for a second.

 

"I'm Viktor.”

 

"Yuuri,” he responded, wondering if he should shake hands with Viktor, or if that would be too formal. He decided against it, seeing as Viktor hadn’t made any move at all to make contact with him, and it might seem out of place for him to do it.. "Nice to meet you."

 

"The pleasure is all mine, Yuuri." The way Viktor’s accent curled around his name sent shivers down his spine.

 

With St. Petersburg as their destination, it was probably not really uncommon to meet at least a few Russians during the course of the cruise.

 

Viktor walked the short distance to the railing on which Yuuri had been precariously balanced and leaned against it. He exhaled, the sound almost getting swallowed up in the soft lapping sounds of the water. He watched Viktor’s eyes wandering the ocean, which looked almost black at this time of night. The small tinges of blue and the lights of the ship reflecting into the water made everything seem incredibly picturesque. The vastness of the water, there being no boundaries in sight, and an incredibly beautiful man gazing out into its depths created the kind of scene artists would yearn to paint and poets would lament about.

 

Yuuri chewed on his lip before mustering up the courage and joining Viktor. He leaned onto the railing beside him, careful to maintain an appropriate distance.

 

He glanced at Viktor from the corner of his eye, praying that he was being as discreet as he thought he was being. The strings of lights that were strewn along the ship cast a golden glow onto Viktor’s hair and Yuuri couldn’t help but trace the outline of his profile with his eyes. He was as breath-taking as the scene before him. The shadows on his jaw made his features more prominent and the curves of his cheekbones made Yuuri’s breath catch. God, he even had the most beautiful nose Yuuri had ever seen.

 

 

"If you didn't plan to jump over the railing what were you doing?" Viktor asked, breaking him out of his reverie, turning the full force of those blue eyes on him.

 

Yuuri broke the eye contact this time and turned back to look into the endless depth of the ocean.

 

He hesitated.

 

"I just wanted some fresh air,” he said shyly. The feel of Viktor’s gaze was heavy on him.

 

"Was it better up there?" There was a teasing lilt to Viktor’s voice which had Yuuri turning to him slightly. He was staring at him unabashedly, a small smile on his lips.

 

"Was what better?"

 

"The air, of course, Yuuri." Viktor’s was openly grinning now, his eyes crinkled endearingly. Yuuri couldn’t help but smile.

 

"I’ve had better", he answered, mimicking Viktors playful tone, "But it was alright."

 

Viktor laughed, and after a moment Yuuri joined in. In that moment Yuuri had the feeling of being boundless again. His soft heart was melting at the sight of this easygoing, beautiful man, laughing at his stupid joke.

 

When their laughter tapered off, they stood for a few seconds. Smiling at each other.

 

“Maybe, next time I could show you a better spot for high-quality fresh air.”

 

“Maybe,” Yuuri responded, still giddy from his laughter.

 

Viktor smiled again, and the way his eyes were illuminated by the lights and the way his pale eyelashes fluttered made Yuuri believe he was doing it deliberately; the way his hands seemed to be twitching had him completely enraptured. He remembered him, maybe he knew him, maybe there was more. There was something. Something.

 

"I have to go now, Yuuri," Viktor said, the same sad smile still on his lips, "But you have to promise me that you will not, under any circumstances jump over the railing."

 

"I won't. I promise," Yuuri chuckled.

 

"Well then. Good night, Yuuri."

 

"Good night, Viktor." His name felt foreign on his tongue but good. He wanted to repeat it. He wanted to say it over and over again.

 

He watched Viktor leave, not even the echo of footsteps in his wake. Yuuri was left asking himself if that had all been a dream. There was something so surreal about their encounter that he couldn’t quite place his finger on.

 

While he was still musing over the strange encounter with Viktor, he heard someone else enter the deck area.

 

When he turned around he saw Christophe and Valentin.

 

"Hey Yuuri," Chris greeted him, gently tugging along Valentin who’s cheeks were flushed, "I thought you already went to bed?"

 

"I was just about to. I needed some fresh air,” Yuuri explained, pushing himself away from the railings.

 

"Ah, good night then. See you tomorrow," Valentin said, shooting him a smile.

 

"Have fun, both of you," Yuuri said, waving at them as he headed back to his room.

 

* * *

 

The next day started of with Yuuri bumping into Viktor very early. He and Phichit had found a corner in the ship with a couple of sun loungers and decided to eat breakfast there. The sun was beating down on them pleasantly as the sea air cooled them down. The both sat in mutual silence, enjoying their breakfast as well as the view.

 

He had a mouthful of bacon when suddenly someone sat on the empty sun lounger beside his with a chipper “Hello again!”

 

Yuuri swallowed too quickly, choking on the food and any chance of him looking remotely dignified or put together flew out the window when he doubled over coughing. Phichit started smacking his back, maybe harder than necessary and he straightened, shoving him off and reaching for his glass of juice. He gulped it down, feeling a little dribbling down his chin before he could breathe again.

 

His face was probably bright red, and he wiped his chin with the back of his hand trying his best to not embarrass himself further. Raising his eyes he was met with Viktor’s amused expression.

 

“Are you okay?” he asked, leaning back on his seat, the picture of elegant relaxation with the top button of his shirt open, the skin of his toned chest peeking out tantalisingly. Yuuri wrenched his eyes away and smiled.

 

“Peachy. Hi, Viktor.”

 

He could basically feel Phichit vibrating in excitement behind him, probably wondering how Yuuri had acquainted himself with a literal angel.

 

“Uh Viktor, this is my best friend Phichit. Phichit this is Viktor, he thought I was going to drown myself yesterday.”

 

Phichit let out a laugh, “Hi! Nice to meet you, Yuuri is definitely going to tell me that story in full later.”

 

Yuuri elbowed him, just as Viktor laughed too.

 

“Nice to meet you too, Phichit! I happened to be the person that saw Yuuri titanic-ing on the railings and nearly had a heart attack.” His eyes were twinkling with mirth. Yuuri found himself tracing the lines of Viktor's lips as they curved around his name.

 

“I’m glad you did,” Yuuri blurted. He had to fight the overwhelming urge to slap himself right there and then. However, his embarrassment seemed to be worth it from the way Viktor’s eyes widened and then softened. His smile was a small, fragile thing.

 

“I am too, Yuuri.”

 

He could feel his lips curving up, a sweet thing he couldn’t control. Viktor’s eyes were on his, bright and kind.

 

“So Viktor, are you from St. Petersburg?” Phichit asked, breaking the two of them out of their moment, and Yuuri could feel himself blushing. Viktor laughed and oh God the sound made him smile so easily.

 

“Is it my Russian accent that gives it away?”  

 

“A little, yeah.”

 

“Are you two from St Petersburg or just on a holiday from London?” he asked, his eyes slowly sweeping from Phichit to Yuuri. It was like he couldn’t take his eyes off him. Not that Yuuri minded, but it felt unavoidably obvious. Maybe it was that way because he couldn’t take his own eyes off Viktor either.

 

“We’re just relaxing, yeah. A nice getaway from daily life,” Phichit supplied, nudging Yuuri, who nodded along in agreement.

 

“Yeah, we’re just taking some time off here.” He repeated uselessly. Viktor shot him another private smile.

 

“What do you do?” Phichit asked.

 

“Just this and that,” Viktor said easily, shifting so that his shirt seemed to slide down a little to reveal a muscled shoulder. Yuuri’s eyes ran over it hungrily. “And you two? You’re students?”

 

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly, “We’re roommates in London.”

 

“Sounds absolutely lovely,” Viktor supplied.

 

“Oh, he is,” Phichit agreed from behind Yuuri, leaning forward and snatching Yuuri’s half eaten slice of bread. Yuuri shot him a weak glare, still too overcome by Viktor’s very presence to do anything.

 

“I’ve noticed.” The smile Viktor shot him was absolutely angelic and Yuuri came to the conclusion that he was going to die a wonderful death with Viktor’s words ringing in his ears.

 

* * *

 

“ _Dude,_ how did you meet him? And what is going on between you two?” Phichit exclaimed as soon as they entered the suite. Yuuri licked his lips, refusing to make eye contact with him as he shrugged off his cardigan and neatly folded it over the back of a chair.

 

“What do you mean? There’s nothing going on between us,” he said. _Except maybe my unconcealable thirst... and have you seen his eyes?_

 

“So you’re saying I didn’t witness both of you eye fucking each other right in front of my salad?” He asked, crossing his arms and trying his best to look imposing and stern.

 

Yuuri laughed nervously.

 

“I mean, he’s gorgeous. And we might stare at each other, but we’re practically strangers at the moment.” He scratched his cheek, settling on the chair, and sighed. “There’s just… something about him Phichit. I can’t quite put my finger on it but it makes me feel so…” he struggled with words for a second, wringing his hands in frustration. “I don’t know… weird- he makes me feel weird.”

 

“Weird as in- ' _I’ve got a crush and there’s butterflies'_ weird or _‘The Shining’_ weird?”

 

Yuuri sighed again. “Like Demi Moore in the _Ghost_ movie weird. I get tingles when he looks at me.”

 

He wasn’t sure how to explain the feeling of being caressed without even being touched. The way Viktor’s eyes ran over him; like he knew him, like he had been wanting to do that for years. And the smiles that were undoubtedly just for Yuuri, and Yuuri alone. There was so much about Viktor he wanted to know, but being in his presence alone felt like a lot.

 

“Damn Yuuri, sounds serious,” Phichit whistled, just as they heard a loud thud from the floor above them followed by a scream. Yuuri shot a nervous look at Phichit who had already started making his way towards the door. “Seems like something’s happening on deck.”

 

Yuuri followed him, dread building up, a steady thing threatening to overtake him. When they emerged into the sunlight the first thing his eyes landed on was a small crowd of people at the edge of the ship, and at the centre of it all was a beautiful, sleek lady, her eyes filled with unshed tears.

 

Something had fallen overboard. Someone had gone after it.

 

There were safety procedures for this, Yuuri remembers watching the demonstrations dimly at the back of his mind. One of the first things they had done before departing.

 

However, it doesn’t take long before there are officials asking everyone to move back, a boat being lowered slowly, another girl comforting the distressed. Yuuri watches it all in slow motion, his heart a steady thing.

 

Its two beats later when he hears laughter.

 

Another beat before he realises to whom it belongs.

 

The boat is being towed in, disgruntled officials talking to the silver haired man being brought closer. Yuuri’s heart is in his throat. Viktor still looks the definition of elegant, flawless, even with his hair curling and clinging to his cheeks, even with his clothes clinging to his skin. He winks at Yuuri, offers a smile, before he’s being handed a towel. He refuses to be examined, refuses the hand he’s being offered for help.

 

Phichit’s hand is on his shoulder, a steady thing. He doesn’t notice. Viktor walks up to the girl, who stares at him like she’s seen a ghost.

 

“I found your ring,” he smiles. Aside from the kindness in his gesture, there’s desperation there. He’s not shivering. He’s just dripping onto the deck, his hand outstretching with a golden band glittering on it. The girl seems at a loss, gently taking the small object, wonder in her eyes as she twirls it this way and that. She whispers something that is lost to Yuuri's ears, but it makes Viktor smile and shake his head.

 

“Congratulations to you!” he says, and the girl smiles. There are tears rolling down her face again and Viktor smiles wider, but there’s something so sad about it.

 

Yuuri stands with Phichit for a while, even as Phichit starts to excitedly talk to Otabek about the events that just transpired. Even after Viktor is done talking to the girl and has left to take a warm bath and get a change of clothes, he stands and stares at the small puddle where Viktor was standing. What a strange thing his presence was; he didn’t even leave wet footprints when he left.

 

* * *

 

This time it was Yuuri who found Viktor lounging against a wall and watching Yuri throw back a whiskey like it was a lifeline.

 

“You know you’re an idiot,” Yuuri stated, joining Viktor where he stood, his arm a few inches away from the other’s. Viktor barked out a laugh, seeming entirely a bit too pleased.

 

“What in particular made you think so?” Viktor's voice was soft, and his expression tired even as he continued to smile.

 

“Maybe your fashion choices, maybe the fact that you jumped off a ship for a tiny ring,” Yuuri said lightly, his voice laced with thinly veiled concern.

 

“It wasn’t a tiny ring- and what do you mean my fashion choices?!” Viktor exclaimed, turning to Yuuri. He looked mockingly offended. “Can’t you tell my dress shirt is hand stitched by Armani?”

 

“I didn’t know Armani did that,” Yuuri offered. Probably because he didn’t own anything by Armani. Nor did he have the guts to look at anything by Armani. He prefered to stick to easy-to-get cheap clothing, or sports gear. It didn’t have to be expensive to be functional, surely.

 

“Neither did I, I made that up,” Viktor laughed. From the corner of his eye Yuuri watched Otabek walk over to Yuri, gently prying his glass from his hand. There was surprisingly little resistance as Yuri slumped against Otabek. They were murmuring to themselves, Yuri’s head against his chest. Yuuri looked away.

 

“Why did you do it? That was so dangerous, Viktor.”

 

Viktor stiffens, and Yuuri bites his lip, scared that he’s overstepped his bounds. Whatever he and Viktor had so far was a flimsy thing, not strong enough to be something substantial.

 

“It was supposed to be the happiest day of her life Yuuri. A drowned ring could have ruined that,” his eyes were downcast, the blue so strong, his hair like a halo, and Yuuri felt like he was looking at a repenting angel. Yuuri wanted to touch him so badly.

 

“Are you okay, Viktor?”

 

Viktor looked up at him, his pale lashes casting shadows on his high cheekbones.

 

“With you here, of course.”

* * *

 

The next day found him with Viktor in one of the empty banquet halls. Phichit had been coercing him to join the Zumba classes on deck but Yuuri had been in the process of refusing when Viktor had turned up, asking Yuuri to accompany him for something "incredibly important". Whatever that something was, Yuuri was now sitting in a lavish hall with Viktor lounging on the table across from him.

 

There was a challenge in Viktor’s expression as he ran his eyes over his face, his body.

 

“Do you dance?”

 

Yuuri flushed, not looking away from Viktor. Rising to the challenge.

 

“Not much.”

 

“If I could, I would teach you,” Viktor stated, his eyes still on Yuuri but something far away in them. He looked wistful, “When I used to be here before I’d dance on deck a lot. My partner was quite talented too.”

 

He sighed, smiling at Yuuri again, the sad edge to it was back.

 

“Oh, are you travelling with your partner?” He tried to keep the curiosity out of his voice.

 

“He’s not really around anymore. But I see grace in your body, more grace than he had,” he tilted his head, resting his finger on his lips as if he was thinking about something. “Maybe you could dance for me someday.”

 

Yuuri smiled, a flimsy thing, his self consciousness withering up as he discarding the hoodie tied around his waist. A slow smile spread over Viktor’s face as he realised what was happening, and it brought fierce pleasure to Yuuri that he was the one that Viktor seemed to be so enraptured with. He was the one that held Viktor’s attention, he was the one that made the sadness slip off his face.

 

“Maybe, I could.”

 

* * *

 

“You’re a dream, you know,” Viktor whispered, a glass of champagne in his hand, half the bottle emptied between them. Yuuri had drunk most of it. They lay on the deck, almost touching but not quite. Never touching. Viktor made sure of it.

 

“How can you say that when you’re _you_?” Yuuri asked, his voice hushed.

 

It seemed inappropriate to talk loudly, to shatter the silence of night time, and the almost liminal feeling the ship held. This time of night was theirs. No one was on deck, there was a slow melody filtering from someone’s room, and the moon was bright in the sky, shining down on Viktor like its purpose was to illuminate him in its beauty.

“Because- I can’t believe you’re here,” he said, his expression was earnest, like he was desperately trying to tell him something. There was an underlying frustration, wonder to his words that left him feeling confused.

 

“Of course I’m here. I’m right beside you Viktor. You could touch me and I’m here.”

 

Viktor let out a choked laugh, his eyebrows knitting together like he’d found it far from funny. Like there was some big joke in what Yuuri had just said. Yuuri swallowed nervously, overcome with stupid adoration for this idiotic, sad man. He sipped his champagne, watched Viktor watch him.

 

“Yuuri Katsuki, you’re amazing.”

 

* * *

 

For once Viktor hadn’t turned up beside Yuuri after breakfast and he was stuck in awkward silence with Yuri and Otabek at the breakfast table. Yuri would glance at Otabek and look away as soon as Otabek would turn to him. It was like watching an odd game of cat and mouse with lovesick teenagers, and sexual tension in the air. He was debating leaving and finding Viktor himself while Phichit chatted up one of the hot stewards he’d gotten attached to when Christophe joined them.

 

He had his phone pressed to his ear, seemingly in the middle of an important conversation.

 

“Yes, my darling, yes, it’s really no problem. I’ve told you it’s terrible wifi connection in the middle of the ocean.”

 

He let out a pleasant laugh.

 

“Why Viktor, you foolish boy, I look forward to it.” He smiled at Yuuri as he took a seat. Otabek and Yuri seemed to be communicating with their eyebrows.

 

It seemed like Chris knew Viktor. It seemed to placate Yuuri somewhat as he slid lower into his seat. That meant Viktor was casually strolling somewhere chatting with Chris- and not doing idiotic stuff like jumping off railings. Even then there was a strange sort of feeling prickling at Yuuri, and he couldn’t help but get up and look for Viktor.

 

* * *

 

“They’re going to have a talent show, you know?” Viktor said, humming a little as he drank out of a coconut, looking as poised as ever, and Phichit nodded excitedly. He was furiously scrolling through his phone when he turned it around, shoving it in Yuuri’s face.

 

“Yuuri you should participate!” he exclaimed, as Yuuri squinted at the screen trying to make sense of the image of the half dressed woman with a flower garland around her neck.

 

Yuuri let out a laugh that sounded right on the edge of hysteric. “I don't think so.”

 

“Aww why?” Viktor quipped from behind him, the drink making his lips look rosier. He was wearing gloves under the warm sun.

 

“I don’t want to. Are you sick?” Yuuri asked, tilting his head and scooping the coconut out of Viktor’s hands.

Viktor gave him a strange look as he watched Yuuri put his mouth to where his had been. Yuuri could feel his cheeks heating up at the implications, but he didn’t take his eyes off Viktor’s as he started to drink.

 

The sweetness mixed with the unavoidable taste of vodka was overwhelming and he had to hold back a grimace.

 

“How do you drink this?!” Yuuri asked, sticking out his tongue and holding out the drink.

 

Viktor winked, his eyes still unmoving from Yuuri’s lips.

 

“It’s a talent.”

 

* * *

 

It was one day before the talent show that Viktor was positively vibrating about. Phichit had managed to seduce his steward, get his number and last name and then move on from him in just three days. It was almost amazing.

 

“I can’t believe you came all this way,” a woman was saying. Viktor’s smile grew impossibly wider. “Yakov you sly fox.” There was a low thud, and Yuuri turned the corner to see a burly man in a fedora passionately kissing a lady in a yellow dress. Yuuri heard a low giggle from Viktor before he turned around and decided it was best to leave.

 

It was unfortunate that the last thing he saw before leaving was ‘Yakov’ hitching up the lady who wrapped her sleek legs around him as they continued to kiss like it was literally the last time they’d see each other. Yuuri finally understood why people used the words ‘sucking face’.

 

Viktor was still giggling when they finally managed to end up in Yuuri and Phichit’s suite. Yuuri shot him a mildly heated look and Viktor responded with a bright smile.

 

“Oh Yuuri,” Viktor drawled, fluttering his eyelashes, “I can’t believe you came here- all this way!” He dramatically put his hand on his heart and feigned fainting. “Yuuri, you sly fox!”

 

It was unfair how gorgeous he looked even when he was acting like a complete idiot.

 

“Shut up Viktor,” he laughed, lobbing a pillow at his face.

 

Viktor winked, “Why don’t you make me?”

 

Yuuri felt his mouth go dry.

 

There wasn't a single time on the Silver Muse that he could recall Viktor's touch- constantly shying away from him physically.

 

How he wished he could.

 

* * *

 

The time spent on the ‘Silver Muse’ seemed to fly by. He was a little ashamed to admit that he didn’t spend all of it with Phichit but more with Viktor. During the day he’d take them, or on some occasions Yuuri alone, to some beautiful hidden corner of the ship and they’d eat there and talk. He’d come up with some horrendous activity and sometimes Yuri and Otabek would join them.

 

They’d spend their nights watching the stars, the sea, talking in hushed whispers, drinking. It was like the perfect fairytale unfurling for someone as average and insignificant as Yuuri himself. He’d be loath to admit that he wished there were something more to this flimsy relationship they had created between themselves.

 

Yuuri loved it when he looked up at Viktor and found him already staring at Yuuri. He’d smile when Viktor’s despairing expression would disappear due to something he said.

 

It was these thoughts that struck him as he found himself watching the sunset from one of the higher terraces on the ship, Viktor sitting beside him silently. There was a comfortable silence between them as the sky turned orange, then pink until it was laced with purples and blues. He turned to look at Viktor to find him staring out at the horizon. His expression was wide-eyed, an almost childlike innocence and wonder to it.

 

“You know,” Yuuri jumped a little as Viktor broke the silence, “I’ve seen this sunset from this exact place so many times,” he murmured, turning to Yuuri slowly. Yuuri didn’t say anything, waiting for Viktor continue. The sad smile of his was back. “And this is the first time I’ve noticed how beautiful it is.”

 

Yuuri swallowed. Stared at Viktor, looked away nervously.

 

“Why is that?” he asked, summoning up the courage.

 

“Because I’m with my most precious person,” Viktor said quietly.

 

_Oh my God, I love him._

_I love Viktor._

 

“Oh.” He said instead.

 

_I love Viktor._

 

Viktor smiled, his eyes crinkling at the corners and Yuuri’s heart hurt from how beautiful he was.

 

“Yeah. Oh.”

 

* * *

“Hey, let’s sit there!” Viktor said excitedly, gesturing at the table the closest to the stage with an excited smile.

 

Yuuri was hesitant to accept.

 

He liked being seen when it was his decision, when he was the one putting on a show. But he didn’t want to share this last evening with Viktor with everyone else in the room. He didn’t want to be sitting in the front, so close to the colorful lights. He wanted to be by the back where he could listen to Viktor’s running commentary on the performance and finally get the courage to tell him how much he liked him, but Yuuri was weak. And Viktor looked so radiant bathed in the lights of the banquet hall and his child-like happiness there was no way he could stop himself from blurting out a “Yes.”

Viktor tried to reach for Yuuri’s hand to drag him along but before he even touched him he seemed to change his mind and retreated, as if he had just remembered something monumental and sad. His smile disappeared for less than a second, before he directed his attention to the stage again and moved his hand to the small of Yuuri’s back, too far to be able to touch him but close enough to direct him to the table only by the hovering impression of his hand.

Yuuri bit his lip, trying to pull his expression together and hopefully not show his hurt over the thoughtless gesture. He drew the chair closest to him for Viktor, who sat on it gracefully with a teasing wink. He seemed to be doing his best to maintain his cool as well.

 

They both took places just as the other guests started to arrive, filling the space with murmured conversation and laughter. The clicking of heels against the wooden floor, the fancy herringbone pattern of the well-polished parquet reminded him once again of how expensive this whole trip had been. He already felt like he didn’t deserve Phichit and was currently trying his best to not think he didn’t deserve Viktor either and, oh, it was so hard when Viktor’s eyes were so pretty reflecting the lights of the room and shining brighter than any of them.

 

It was especially hard with them so intently focused on him.

But the light turned off.

 

The show had begun.

 

The curtains opened revealing Yuri, recognizable even through the heavy eyeshadow. The little Yuri was dressed in a bright red outfit. He didn’t wait for the hall to the quiet down before he took the microphone.

“Okay, so this one goes out to the two idiots in the first row,” Yuri exclaimed, pointing an accusatory finger at Viktor and Yuuri's table, more specifically at Viktor who just chuckled.

 

“Special thanks to the weird dude in the front who has no cabin on this ship that I can kick the door of according to the receptionist, _and_ who think he’s better than me despite already having grey hair—  which is stupid, even for someone as old as forty.”

“Not even close,” Viktor murmured. He looked pleased.

“Let’s get started!” Otabek shouted. He was standing behind a strange cannon shaped table on the stage. Somehow, he had gone unnoticed until then, the sheer loudness that was Yuri Plisetsky rendering him invisible. However, that thought was quickly pushed aside as he started pressing buttons on the table, triggering bouncy music to fill the hall. He leaned closer to the microphone in front of him, getting ready to sing.

Using these few seconds Yuuri looked at Viktor, his eyes full of questions as he regarded the man beside him. Viktor turned to him, a half smile on his lips, shrugging, “I told him we would be a pole dancing duo for the talent show and that no one would ever manage to best us. Oh, and maybe that he couldn’t surprise anyone with his edgy teenage stuff so I’m really curious about what he came up with.”

Yuuri's eyes widened at Viktor’s words: “Oh my god how do you know about the pole dancing thing!? Did Phichit tell you?” He could feel himself blushing.

“The what?” Viktor exclaimed a bit too loudly, drawing glares to him.

“What?” repeated Yuuri dumbly.

“Hey assholes! Show's up here!” Yuri screamed, not even using the microphone. Both of them turned back to the stage smiling guiltily, and barely a second later, Otabek started singing.

[ **_"_ ** _Hey! All you out there! Wanna sing and shout?”_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mX8LYc5eaEM)

It started off with a kind of rap, and Yuuri found himself enjoying it more than he thought he would. The entire room seemed to be buzzed with the the energy of the song. There were some people cheering at the back tables. However, the real surprise started when Yuri literally stalked to centre stage and started _yodeling_.

 

For a split second Yuuri thought Viktor would completely lose it but he stayed seated, tapping his finger against the table to follow the rhythm, wearing an overly pleased smile.

 

For the first time since entering Yuuri noticed how tired he looked, the lowlights from the stage highlighting the shadows under his eyes.

 

The duo kept singing, alternating expertly between rap and yodel, Yuri dancing enthusiastically on the stage and Otabek smiling, spinning on his unconventional DJ table. The atmosphere was amazing, and he couldn’t help but smile at the obviously enjoyable performance, however he couldn’t help but worry about Viktor’s lack of enthusiasm.

Otabek left his position just as the song was coming to an end to join Yuri on the center of the stage to perform with him. It was an obviously well-rehearsed dance sequence, both of them looking incredibly in love and stupidly happy as they performed, dancing around each other and staring into each other's eyes as if there was nowhere they’d rather be. When the final note hit, Yuri jumped into Otabek’s arms laughing loudly, looking younger and happier than Yuuri had ever seen him.

 

He joined in with the audience clapping loudly, enjoying the precious moment.

 

It seemed to take a while before Yuri came to realise where he was. He turned once again to face Viktor and Yuuri’s table, his expression twisted into one that resembled victory.

 

“Try to do better now, old man!”

 

The curtains closed on him. The lights dimmed again.

 

There were dim sounds from the stage crew. Props being shifted behind the curtains, the sound of the wheels of the ridiculous canon, projectors being handled awkwardly, and banging against the floor.

 

But Yuuri couldn’t stay for the upcoming show, because when he turned to his right to ask Viktor’s opinion of the heartfelt performance, Viktor wasn’t there. He felt his heart sink.

 

Of course, he could have gone to the bathroom, or to fill his glass with champagne, but he would have told Yuuri, wouldn’t he? His reason didn’t matter, Yuuri _knew_ that something was off.

 

The atmosphere had just been different, from the moment Yuuri had stepped foot in this hall he had known.

No one was paying attention. The curtains were closed— who would care about how lost Yuuri looked? He couldn’t even begin to explain why he felt the way he did. He just had the horrible certainty something bad was about to happen, and that he needed to find Viktor. Now.

His feet of their own accord led him to the place where it had started, to the place where they met. And, somehow, he was there. Just as beautiful as the time Yuuri had first set his eyes on him, the wind making his hair dance above his eyes that were filled with concern.

Yuuri walked up to Viktor and the fear that had made Yuuri stand up and leave the ballroom was filling him, stronger with every step, because now he could see Viktor’s face and he knew that Viktor had something to tell him.

 

Dread was choking Yuuri like heavy smoke.

 

“Yuuri…” Viktor started, his expression so heartbroken that it made _him_ feel sick. He bit his lips, as if getting his words out was a struggle,“I have to go now.”

 

Yuuri laughed nervously. “What do you mean? We’re in the middle of the ocean.”

“I did what I had to do here. Now I really have to go. I only stayed a bit longer because I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. I couldn’t leave you like that.”

 

As he was talking Yuuri got closer, so close he knew Viktor could feel his breath on his face, but Yuuri didn’t feel anything in return. It was as if there was a void where Viktor should be.

 

He reached out, his hand shaking, but when he touched his cheek, it was cold. And Viktor winced, shying away from his touch.

“I’m dead, Yuuri. A ghost. A lost soul. I don’t know.” He ran his hand down his face, looking at Yuuri in his infuriating gentle way, “I have been haunting boats on this sea for _years_ ,” His voice seemed to grow quieter, wearier, “And I finally earned the peace I needed for my soul to be allowed to leave.”

Yuuri stared at him wordlessly as he raised his hands, removed his gloves smoothly to reveal his pale hands. Slender and beautiful. Pale enough that they were translucent in the moonlight

At this point Yuuri was shaking, his breathing heavy. He didn’t know if he was angry, sad, afraid, or all three at once.

 

“Viktor. What is this bullshit? What the hell did you do? How did you end up here? _Why do you have to go?_ ” Yuuri‘s eyes blurred with tears “ _Why do you have to leave_ _now_?”

Viktor started to reach for him, pausing, looking so incredibly devastated that it left Yuuri unable to breathe, “It’s a long story.”

“Tell me. Please. So at least I know why I’m losing you.”

 

His heart was broken. He learned that broken hearts could keep breaking.

Yuuri’s words seemed to hurt him but Viktor let a small smile grace his face.

 

“Of course,” Viktor said softly. “I was born in 1688 and spent most of my life at sea. I joined a crew as a kid to help my family with their debts. I became quickly successful, and at the age of twenty I was already in command of a ship.” He shrugged, his tone almost robotic, “I was loved by my crew and by everyone I met. I don’t know why I’m still here.” He let out a wry laugh, “My purpose seemed to have been to play matchmaker. Probably because I was never good at love.”

Why did Viktor have to sound so fake when talking about himself? Like it didn’t matter—  Like it didn’t hurt him.

 

“Viktor, _please._ I want the truth. I think I deserve the truth.”

 

Viktor pressed his lips into a thin line and lowered his gaze, “The truth is, I looked for love _everywhere_ Yuuri. On land and over the seas and I never found it. The only lie I told you is that people loved me.” He smiles, and it's that sad smile and Yuuri’s heart hurts so much more because now he _knows._ He knows why Viktor’s sad. “They just loved what they thought I was without caring for who I really am.” Tears started to fill his eyes without actually shedding “I stayed here because I drowned before I could satisfy my stupid obsession with love. That’s why I pushed little Yura to do the show. I knew Otabek would help him and that spending more time with each other would bring them closer together. I felt like allowing soulmates to meet would soothe me.”  He paused. “Yuuri, I was so lonely.”

 

“Are you soothed now?” Yuuri asked after a short pause.

Viktor looked at Yuuri, tears clinging to his lashes, “I was, for a second, when I realized I could finally rest. But then I remembered you.”

 

That’s what opened the floodgates. Burning hot tears slid down Yuuri's face, and Viktor’s tears seemed to follow. Yuuri felt so terrible he couldn’t even breathe at how unfair everything he heard in the past minutes was.

 

“C-can I hold you? Before you go?” was the only thing he managed to ask between choked sobs.

“Probably not.” Viktor answered sounding so wretched that Yuuri couldn’t help but sob loudly in response. And his face just like his hands started growing more translucent as tears trailed down his cheeks.

 

“Can you?” Yuuri tried again. Stupidly hopeful. Painfully in love.

“Maybe”

And Viktor’s embrace was like a cold shower in the middle of winter, he felt almost no weight on his shoulders, as if Viktor’s arm were not resting there, only the coldness in the gesture could tell him he wasn’t dreaming. Viktor kissed his cheeks, making icicles out of his tears and he kept going, each one closer to Yuuri’s mouth, as both of them shut their eyes.

When their lips finally touched, Yuuri only felt a soft pressure before the cold vanished, leaving him alone on a ship surrounded by the black, black sea.

 

* * *

 

 

He had been waiting for a while, it seemed. A frustrating restlessness had possessed him as soon as he had woken that day, uneasy from his dreams, and he’d gone through his routine in an odd sort of daze. He felt nervous, shaky, as if something life altering would be happening today.

 

Throughout his run, and his morning practice, he didn’t let that feeling overwhelm him, even as it stayed a constant niggling presence at the back of his mind. He usually wasn’t one to be too affected by irrelevant, intrusive thoughts, but there was something overwhelmingly disturbing about that constant metaphorical cloud that hung over his head. Even as he hailed a cab, he felt something tugging at his heart, like he was about to do something that would largely rewrite his whole life.

 

He couldn’t let go of the feeling of running his fingers through silky strands. Of opening his own eyes and gazing into eyes that were wide with trust, running over his face so lovingly. He couldn’t forget the feeling of reaching out to touch that face but not quite touching it. The feeling of always reaching out for something, and almost, not quite, but always, almost touching, but never actually managing to. The feeling of wanting something but not knowing quite what that something was.

 

He pushed down these thoughts, willing his normal optimistic disposition to return. After all, he had to entertain and host friends today, and he couldn’t ruin their visit by being gloomy and restless.

 

He idly talked to the cab driver, as they drove to the docks where he was supposed to meet Christophe after his ‘holiday cruise’. He had been looking forward to his visit for a while, seeing as they didn’t often get a lot of chances to meet outside of work, and because Chris had decided to take a short break from the current season, he’d been relaxing by travelling around the world with his boyfriend. They had both decided it would be a pleasant time to reunite as friends rather than competitors- and Viktor had assured the couple that Russia, for all its odd mayo based foods that foreigners seemed to find horrifying, did have a lot of beautiful and exciting sights that they both would greatly enjoy.

 

As the docks came into view that inexplicable, uneasy feeling seemed to get sharper. He could feel his heartbeat speed up.

 

With a shaky hand he paid the taxi driver, and turned towards the small crowd of people waiting for the ship to arrive. His heart continued pounding erratically in a way it never had before competitions, and surely he couldn’t blame this on nerves- he was seeing an old-time friend with his partner, not the love of his life.

 

The sun was low over the horizon when the ship came into view. The golds, pinks and blues of the sky reflecting off it's frame and the setting sun illuminating it from the back making it seem ethereal, like a voyage descending from the heavens. There was something otherworldly about the atmosphere as it drew closer. The mist in the air, the slight chill surrounding them and the almost translucent, towering presence of the ship as it got larger and larger sent an uncontrollable shiver through his body. He couldn’t have been the only one holding his breath at that point. He couldn’t have been the only one utterly overcome with this feeling of something shifting. But it seemed as though he was, everyone around him seeming largely unaffected.

 

It felt like eons as the ship sailed into the port, and he could feel himself clamming up. His hands sweating, and a nervousness overtaking him. There was a stagnant wait before the very first face emerged on deck. A couple it seemed, an old man and an even older lady hand in hand, gingerly, elegantly making their way down the steps that had been set up for the descent of the passengers.

 

Slowly, more and more faces started appearing, officials milling around both on and off deck. Suitcases being carefully lowered, and reunions taking place around him. People were hugging, and crying, and laughing, and his heart was sinking. His mind kept going back to his dream; The feel of warm hands within his, and skin against his. Soft locks tangled between his fingers, and he licked his lips trying to pull himself together. This was the worst place for this sort of reminiscing, and he still couldn't see Chris or Valentin. He moved, pulling himself out of his stupor, winding around huddled couples and small groups of people to the closest point at the bottom of the strip of land near the docking space.

 

He remembered waking up in a large empty bed, his arms out-stretched for someone. He remembered thinking that his beloved was standing in front of the mirror, getting dressed, bathed in the soft morning light. He remembered the curve of his back, the dark hair, the eyelashes fanning across his cheeks, the crinkling of his eyes as he smiled. He dreamt of the smell of the ocean, his hands gripping the rails of a ship, the ocean spray soaking them as they both laughed so loud that theirs lungs hurt.

 

He squinted, hoping to catch sight of Chris quickly enough. He didn't.

 

But what he did see made his breath catch in his throat. The dream came hurtling back at full force and suddenly there was a face to the body, a face to the hands he had seen his own entwined with. Those brown eyes were turned towards the ground as he made his way carefully down the ship. His lips were full and Viktor couldn't take his eyes off them as he worried them between his teeth. Dark hair, and thick eyelashes, and filled out cheeks, and he couldn't breathe. This was what he had been dreaming about. This was the very face that had haunted him constantly through the days, and through the nights and left him aching and wanting.

He didn't realise he was running until the dark haired man looked up at him, his eyes widening as they followed him.

 

Viktor didn't know his name. And Viktor was sure he had never met this person before in his life but seeing those eyes welling up, staring into his with so much recognition, so much adoration made him run faster. And then the stranger was moving too, his lips moving, and even though Viktor couldn't hear him, he didn't need to, to be able to recognise his own name on this stranger's lips.

 

Maybe if he had been less romantic this would be surreal. Meeting a man, a ghost he had dreamed of. Meeting someone that wasn't real but was physically there in front of him. The shape of those lips, the look in his eyes tugging him towards him. Maybe if he were less romantic he wouldn't have been chasing the ghost that pulled and pulled at the red string that had remained motionless around his heart for so long.

 

He was used to hearing cries of his infallibility, and he was even more used to hiding himself away behind masks and metaphorical walls and layers and layers of ice, so maybe the slight motion, the constant tugging, the thudding of his heart that finally made him feel like he was thawing pushed him to move so impulsively. To feel so impulsively.

 

The pair of bright eyes were before him, and they both stopped, a metre apart. Mirroring ragged breaths, just drinking in the sight of each other for what they were. For what they had been. Maybe he'd understood. Maybe those dreams had been more than dreams, and although he had been skeptic by nature, the only God he'd believed in having withered and disappeared somewhere many years back, he wanted to believe that an otherworldly power had a hand in what was happening.

 

"Viktor?" he gasped.

 

He licked his lips, searching his face, trying to recall. To remember. To understand. How did he know his name. How did he seem to familiar.

 

He felt like he was lost at sea, an ocean, a sinking ship. The glimmer of sunlight through darkening water.

 

He let out a shaky smile.

 

A ships shadow, and the shadows of the hills, flowing in the water from one to another until nothing is left. They melt like mist, and travel to solid lands and finally like clouds they shape themselves and go. His memory felt like a flimsy thing, and his heart felt close to bursting.

 

And like the ship he felt like a spirit dwelling from place to place, looking for his namesake. Looking for a place to stop. And just like that Yuuri took his hand in his own, a question in the gesture.

 

He inhaled sharply.

 

His dreams, the touch of skin on skin. The smell of the sea, and the soft caress of the sea spray across his face. Carefree laughter, and dancing in the moonlight. He had dreamt his dreams and now he held them true.

 

Yuuri's eyes crinkled as he smiled. The curve of his lips was the sweetest sight he had ever seen. He felt like he could breathe again, as he tugged him closer, pressing his head against the curve of his neck.

 

"Yuuri," he breathed.

 

* * *

 

_This was not farewell, this was reunion._

_That out of desire might ensue_

 

_Desire of nearness doubly sweet;_

 

_And unto meeting when we meet,_

 

_Delight a hundred-fold accrue._

 

**Author's Note:**

> We would like to thank our amazing [artist](https://inkhallucination.tumblr.com/) for the two beautiful pieces of art they've created!
> 
> The title is from Alfred Tennyson's 'In Memoriam- Dark House.' 
> 
> We're probably the vanilla ones of this event with the rated T fic
> 
> Find us on tumblr: [here](http://proserpineceres.tumblr.com/) , [here](http://father-nikiforov.tumblr.com/) and [here](http://evermoredeath.tumblr.com/)


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